this time last year, i was on my way to rehoboth, new mexico. “do it afraid,” i told myself as i hopped on a plane, hoping for an adventure and trying not to think about being two thousand miles away from everything and everyone i knew. i climbed mountains and drove across deserts, i learned how to make fried bread and improvise a cold-brew filter, i heard god louder and clearer than i ever had before. he met me there, sweet friends. this week i realized that the year after i got on that plane was filled with things that terrified me. in three hundred and sixty five days, i flew to new mexico by myself for an eight-week adventure, graduated from college, moved out of my parents house, moved into this little city, started a new job and just recently took on this new thing that i know precisely zero things about. i’ve spent a lot of this year scared, but it’s the kind of scared you are right before you jump, right before your heart stops and you hold your breath and you know you’re onto something good.
this week i remembered that with every new, scary thing and in every uncertain moment, god met me there. i have not always been brave, but he has always been so faithful. while god hasn’t promised us lives that are comfortable or stable, safe or at all the way we pictured, he has promised to be our comfort, our rock, our protection and our greatest good. like c.s. lewis wrote of aslan, “of course he isn’t safe, but he is good. he’s the king, i tell you.” he is good, over and over i have seen it. when i was leaving the albuquerque airport wondering if i’d made a terrible mistake, he was orchestrating scripture verses and sunsets and silent nights that would bring me to my knees. while i was sobbing in my car, newly graduated and fairly uncertain about my ability to function in the actual world, he was teaching me to trust him. when i was passed over for job after job after job, he was preparing a place for me. when i don’t know what’s next, he does. when i’m uncertain, he is my one sure thing. when i’m all kinds of inadequate and in over my head, he is constant and faithful and preparing me in ways i don’t even understand.
he isn’t safe, but oh he is good.